I hope you understand




It sucks when you know someone means well by reaching out to you, but they’re a trigger. They remind you of a time when you felt so small and damaged. They bring up the feelings of hopelessness and loss. You wanna block them because their random “hope you’re okay” messages turn a good day into a questionable one. Yes, I’m okay. And honestly I’ll be better if we just stopped all communication. I love you and wish you well on your journey. I’m just never gonna be a part of that again. 

I hope you understand. 

decorate myself



i look at my reflection
my hands start to work 
first my base 
then my cheeks 
a rose tint 
that i sometimes carry on 
to my delicate lips
brightness flows back into my eyes
green follows my lower lash line 
now my ears
my ancestors wore heavy gold
our lobes stretch but i don’t mind
i wear suns on the sides of my head
spreading warmth with every step
i feel like the most me 
when i’m decorated
when i’m appreciated 
by my own self
the art i put on my body
are the gifts i’ve offered
to the gods
that live inside of me
i carry legacy 

mirror reflects a cycle


this union was special
at least it was for me
like a mirror 
reflecting the flames 
burning my whole world down 
behind my full hair and big smile 
now the arrows people throw
don’t seem so targeted
pointed ends miss the parts of me 
they were intended to hit
the flames have died down 
ashes are on the ground 
behind my short hair and big smile 
new land with fertile soil
i’ve been planting seeds 
one by one 
impatient, but knowing it’ll all be okay
we are waiting for the spirits
may they whisper their native songs
so new growth comes in  
stronger and greener 
behind my full hair and big smile 
a new world has appeared 
ready to be burnt down again


five sentences.




You didn’t make me sad enough to write a poem about you. 
Probably should’ve tried a bit harder. 
This is the third sentence. 
You should think about the consequences of your actions.
There you go, there's five now.

isolate



isolating oneself is so easy 
its way too easy 
shut down communication 
only leaving the house when needed 
friends become strangers 
no one knows what happened to you 
you’ve closed your curtain 
you’re drained of energy 
a little voice in your head 
denies you the right to reach out 
it tells you to stay quiet 
everything will pass
why would people wanna see you sad? 
wait until you’re happy 
then you can spread joy through your smile 
but sometimes that smiles takes longer than usual
when you re-emerge from your hiatus 
your smile on full display
theres no one left 
everyone thought you were smiling 
somewhere else 


lavender




your body lays against mine 
do i look at you? 
do i close my eyes?
i’m calm 
which is weird 
i’m an over thinker
but for once, time slows down 
as i feel you breathe 
i always relate moments to colors 
this is a lavender 
lavender bed sheets 
lavender walls 
lavender kisses 
lavender scented love 

you're you



did you know 
that you’re really beautiful? 
your smile lights up my day 
high vibrations are released from your energy   
green sits on top of your chest 
a rainbow stretches from ear to ear 
love looks just like you 
dainty hands and wrists
curves that never end 
that i wouldn’t ever want to end 
spirals on your head stick out
the ones you tried so hard to keep straight,
but look at how wild they are
and look at how you embrace them 
along with the brown in your skin
and your eyes 
they’re so dark i can’t see your irises 
let me dive in so i can find them 
let me drown in this ocean you call you
your waters deeper than space
currents change like the seasons 
finding stars while exploring your universe 
you’re made from everything 
inspired by the most divine 
By the loved ones who’d never leave your side
By the gods who love you more every day 
you’re you 

being soft




imagine being soft and hard
at the same time
it seems impossible 
until you try
let yourself cry
at the little things
let yourself love 
even the stupid things
but don’t let yourself go
don’t let anyone
become the center of you
unless they came 
out of your womb

my mane is gone



i’ve never felt so pretty
my face is bare
nothing to hide behind
short ringlets on my head
sometimes standing straight up
easily molded whenever i lay
for the first time ever
the marks on my skin don’t bother me
nothing really bothers me
so much healing has been done
nothing really seems too bad

I believe in God




Growing up I never felt connected to the Bible. Maybe because I wanted to be special and different or maybe because it never felt right to me, but I do believe in something bigger than us. It could be a sort of god, and honestly when I’m down and have no one to turn to my catholic roots make me talk to “god”. I’m not ashamed of it though like how I used to be. I used to be ashamed of flip flopping and never having a concrete thought in my body. I’ve learned in my 23 years of living that being completely sure in yourself doesn’t exist. Because the past is no longer here, the future hasn’t happened or might not even happen and the present doesn’t stay long enough to be the present. So how could a life that’s not tangible or predictable be concrete? But one thing I do believe in is everything. I believe in the things people are too embarrassed to admit that they believe in. I believe in the universe, the evil eye, ghosts, mermaids, aliens, witchcraft, good and bad energy, passing an egg over your body while reciting “Hail Mary”, Mother Nature, karma,  and love. I believe in the things that are not written on paper and sold to billions of people, but handed down generation to generation by tongue, etchings, and simple actions. The stuff labeled as “barbaric” or “taboo”. The stuff you would never believe in because it seems too unrealistic. Meanwhile, you’re probably praying to a book that leads people to believe that we’re not one in the same and separates us instead of bringing us together. How unrealistic is that? For someone to think they’re better than another living thing because of the way they look or how they decide to live their life or who they pray to. Death is inevitable. You’re not immortal even if you do ascend to your “heaven”. And the only thing that keeps you in the physical world, the only world we’ve really seen and could prove, is the memory of you in other people. So how unrealistic is it to believe in something you can feel? Something that makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck and appears in your dreams. Something that helps calm you and makes you incredibly happy. Is it really that unrealistic? Or are you just afraid? Be careful because hate stems from fear and look where that’s gotten us. More violence in a violent world. 

my best friend



i was born into your love
first day on earth
my best friend was already here
your smile make my days brighter
your laughter carries down generations of our women
she left a little piece of her in you
a motherly touch
so genuine 
so feminine
i've been blessed 
with such a kind soul
as a sister and best friend 

you're gonna be a lawyer! (hahahahahaha ok)



you’re gonna be somebody
you’re gonna make me proud
be someone in this world
you used to chant this
every night before bedtime
without a fail
i would walk into the kitchen
to be motivated by my creator
to be told that i was more
than he would ever be
i believed him
until one day he stopped chanting
our encounters were quiet
avoiding the kitchen
avoiding the feeling of failure
he didn’t stop because 
he no longer believed in me
he stopped because
he was tired
you never realize
how they age too

sunsets



oranges, pinks, clouds 
pinks, blues, water 
browns, reds, lights 
calm, cool, yellows 
the sun, the mountains, the breeze 
the ocean, the chatter, the hues 
different, similar, relaxing 
benches, conversations, acceptance 

i never bought a stamp




6/13/2018

Hey -------!

I don’t know why I’ve waited this long to write back, but my best guess is that I hate writing complete sentences and don’t have a cool typewriter like vos. I hope everything in Florida is okay and that you’re not around all the crazy shit that always pops up on twitter about the sunshine state. Like alligators being thrown into drive-thru windows and people having sex with their cousins. :)

Your name reminds me of a best friend I used to have in high school. We grew a part, but he always had my back and whenever I think of him it brings back good memories. He was there when I had my first heartbreak. Told me I deserved someone who treats me with respect and who'll see how special I am. He said all these sweet things while I was crying into my school hoodie on the corner seat at the back of the Q76 bus. Packed with obnoxious high schoolers, no one bothered to look at me. I’ve been crying on transportation since I was like 17. I remember blasting sad ass songs trying to understand why he needed someone else if I was enough? Sad times ju know. He's a pothead now and keeps sliding in my DM's talking about how he messed up. It's been 6 years bro, leave me alone. But you know besides all that my old best friend is out here living his best life so that’s cool. Him and his girlfriend are so cute and I wish them the best. A healthy kind of love we all wish for. It kinda just sucks how we outgrow people or they outgrow us. It sucks especially when you thought your friendship would last forever and y’all were gonna grow old together. I understand things happen for a reason and we shouldn’t dwell on the past, but for the past few months everything has just been hitting me harder than usual. One of my old best friends from high school had a baby and I haven’t even seen her yet. She’s precious. Literally one of the most perfect little beings I’ve ever seen. Wish I could tell her that in person but it probably won’t happen. We slowly stopped talking to each other when she went away for college. 

Honestly, it might not even be the people that I miss. Its more so the image/idea that I’ve built up of them in my head. You told me you were also going through some similar shit. I kinda appreciate the rawness coming from a stranger, which you’ve become less of ever since we started following each other. You seem like a really cool guy. 

I still think of your haiku. Your art connects. 

Hope to hear from you again, 
Daniella 

a bit of him


you see a bit of him in me
maybe thats why you hurt so much
whenever i pull away
“You act just like him”
words that leave a bitter taste
and you know it
maybe thats why you try so hard
try to change me for my own good
you cry when i don’t agree
raising your voice is how you solve problems
but you and i both know 
it doesn’t work
not on him or on me
my hands smell like cigarettes 
i've never smoked before
my lungs have been damaged
ever since the age of 14
“You drink too much”
do i really?
my mind loves to be numb
the world keeps spinning
it starts to slow down
along with my body
"You're never home"
i need to work
i feel useless and unimportant
whenever i'm not tired
"You don’t like him,
but you act just like him.
I’m scared for your own children"

handle with care



one day i’ll find someone 
who’ll stay a while and watch me grow 
water me at times
move me into sunlight 
when it’s been a hard day 
who’ll pick my fruits when they’re ripe 
cut them up into small pieces 
help me enjoy the sweetness 
before it all rots 
one day someone will find me 
let me refill their watering can 
sing about my love for them 
about our love for each other 
soak in what the earth has given to us 
what the earth has gifted to us 
what the earth has blessed us with 
enjoy life together 
as two living things 
made from above

a lot of love



i’ve been feeling a lot of love lately 
so much love that i’m overwhelmed 
tears fall down my cheeks 
all because of a random woman on the A train
who smiled at me with such warmness
i felt my grandma’s hug
random messages are sent out
more messages come in 
the air is light for once
easy to breathe in 
easy to let go 
new flowers bloom 
trees start to look full again 
streets are filled with bikes 
kids screaming on basketball courts 
the sun is shining
our smiles reflect the golden light 
we blind ourselves with more love
too much love 
way too much love 

strange soil



maybe this time it's different? 
it's a different soul 
similar circumstances
both involving strange soil 
i wonder why the universe does this 
maybe this time it’s different?
it’s a slightly different soul  
from the last time this happened 
almost 365, but not really  
crazy how when i look in the mirror 
spots of orange and red sit 
where nothing used to be
maybe this time it’s different?
it’s a different kind of love 
before it was full of anger
now blue exists 
do you think this time it's different? 
you can’t invent a new color 

remember?



i remember all the nights
when crying was so natural 
so needed and so unavoidable
laying my head on my pillow 
waking up before my alarm 
on the clock fixing clothes 
whispering short hello’s to
unaware customers 
the urge always came back 
my eyes have been dry for 2 days
there are other things to shed tears for
now I cry for my people 
yea it hurts
but this type of love 
isn’t reckless or abusive
and i'm grateful
to be able to feel for someone else
another reason to show emotion
 abundance of love
not lack of
the cracks on my heart are healing
may the world give it some time
before new stitches are needed 
let me show empathy
i need to practice

yellow


Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC 2/19

a brand new canvas
new paints, new brushes
nice and clean and bright
walking onto dirt 
my vans never touched
breathing in air 
full of heavy fumes
reminds me of home
new voices, new noise
fall in love with another sky 
the same stars
different set of eyes and ears
hi foreign land
split open 
and swallow me whole 
clear my head
new soil, new growth
a flower blooms 
a second time 
let's paint my seeds
yellow?

glass ceiling


Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC 2/20/19
i feel stuck 
my head hits the glass ceiling 
knuckles hurt from gripping too tight 
lungs are running out of space 
where do i go
when the water reaches the top
and there’s no more air?
drowning in my deep thoughts 
we always drown in our thoughts 
how do we climb out
of our own fucking head? 
how can we take a break
from the chaos within
the mess that we made ourselves
yea, i built that glass ceiling 
i know i did
that was all me
creating boundaries out of fear 
of touching true happiness 
that i don’t feel worthy of receiving 

live without purpose



San Juan, Puerto Rico 1/19

it’s hard to find something 
to believe in 
i’ve had difficulty 
staying with one thing,
sticking to one thought, 
one way of living
my mind is always resetting 
feeling as though 
what i chose to believe in before 
was just a waste of fleeting time 
i don’t know what to do 
it sucks to feel like you have no purpose 
nothing to die for,
nothing to love more than the universe itself 

motherly


i never wanted to care for someone
so badly ever in my 23 years of life 
loving you until you were satisfied 
making sure you ate 
telling you to sleep when you forgot 
you were still human
i slept better 
knowing your belly was full,
knowing you’ve slept your 8 hours,
knowing that i gave you every piece of me
for some reason every womanly trait 
that i’ve seen in my mother, 
but constantly ignored in myself 
was brought to the surface
when i started to love you 
never before has this happened to me 
never before has a lover made me so 

motherly

i'm everything


words flow out of me
like water through a faucet
my voice soothes you to sleep
wake up now,
look at me in awe
you can see the universe in my heart
feel the synchronicity 
with your palm
listen to the chaos
as you lay your head on my chest  
i’m your world 

no more words for you


our time has ended and i’m out of words
i’m out of run-on sentences
i’m out hate and longing
i’m out of hope 
for this burnt out love to blossom 
i’m out of daydreaming and wondering 
what i did to deserve someone so closed
i don’t really feel like writing about you 
for the first time 
in what seems like a long time 
i don’t really feel like writing about love either 
don’t take it as a bad thing 
maybe the universe wants me to take a break
use my heart for other things 
show love in unique ways 
ways i never thought of before