Scared to hurt


I remember how whenever people told me or vented about not being able to let others in because they’ve been hurt before, I thought it was just bullshit. The act of self sabotaging and stopping love from coming into your life seemed so foreign to me. But then again you never know how it feels until it happens to you. 
Yes, I’ve been hurt and betrayed before, but that never stopped me from accepting love offers and new beginnings. It was when I hurt someone so badly, which made me feel guilty for months, that made me stop wanting to let people in. It’s kind of the opposite really. Instead of being afraid of being made a fool, I’m more concerned about letting someone believe that they’ll have me forever. They’ll assume this bond is everlasting, completely ignoring the fact that most good things always come to an end. That’s why I’ve stopped letting people in. That’s why I don’t want to express interest in people I feel I can fall in love with. That’s why I shut down opportunities even before they present themselves. I no longer want to hurt anybody. It seems kinda selfish, but I rather cause myself pain than let someone I truly love/loved down. I rather put a stop to it before anything starts. The less I mean to you, the better.

I don’t wanna be known for that ugly scar above your heart.

No comments